I was hesitant, at first, to post this story on my blog. It may seem a little bit TMI to some. But my mother (who has significantly less inhibitions than I do) said she didn’t see why I couldn’t tell this story here. So if you’re squeamish when it comes to stories about necessary bodily functions, just wait for the next blog entry. And blame my mother.
Those of you who have consumed large amounts of tea with me know that liquid tends to go straight through me. I really don’t have a large bladder. The only person who has a smaller one is one of my old roommates. You know who you are. Anyway, I drank copious cups of tea at lunch today. Afterwards (around 1:45pm), I really wanted to get a walk in before sunset, which has been happening here around 4pm (more on that next time), so I decided I should take off as soon as possible. I went to the bathroom TWICE in 10 minutes before I left for the walk. I didn’t want to be caught in the middle of Ukrainian floodplain with a very full bladder.
All my plans were for naught. I had been walking for about a half hour/45 minutes when I had to look my denial square in the face and admit that I had to pee. A lot. It wasn’t too bad when I stood still, but the point was to be walking, and walking made it much worse. I could turn around and walk back to my toilet, effectively ending my excursion since the sun would start setting in an hour or so. Or I could find some place to do my business where I was.
Where I was:
the road along the dike, sloping down to corn fields on one side and bordered by a river/canal on the other. In this particular place, there was a sharp drop between the dike and the canal, lined by trees, and moderately well concealed. It wouldn’t hide me from anyone on the dike-road itself, but people in the fields wouldn’t be able to see me. I stood for a long time staring at the row of trees, trying to get up the gumption to convert it into my personal toilet. I must have looked up and down that road at least 35 times. This is one of the only times I have thought it would be oh-so-much-more-helpful to be a man. I also desperately wished for a lookout.
Finally, the urgency of my situation was no longer ignorable, so I mustered my courage and made my way down the incline. Just as I had, ah, begun my business, I heard the distinct buzzing of a motorbike.
Two seconds of listening confirmed that it was coming my way. On the road.
I had just spent 20 minutes on that road without seeing a soul, and as soon as it is possible for me to be seen sans skivvies, here comes a very fast-moving potential-observer.
I don’t think I have ever peed so fast in my life.
Just as I was scrambling up the slope to the stone-strewn road, the motorbike, ridden by two fishermen, came into view. I put on my best nothing-is-happening-here-face and went my way, now able to take my precious time.
Next time I think I might wait a half hour more before I decide to go out walking.
Or find a better spot when nature calls.